Butt, Bottom, Bootie

 A friend of mine who has young girls (all under 9) put a picture on facebook today of her 2 girls and her nieces laying out at the pool on their tummies.  The caption said "Guess whose butt is whose?"  I thought it was cute....but then a friend commented, jokingly, and said "butt is not a nice word."  That reminded me of something.
As you know, I have 3 boys....2 of them are teenagers.  None of them would ever dare to say the word "butt" around me.  What is so funny about that is they no problem saying words like SHUT UP, stupid, idiot.  And both teens have most definitely said "pissed" in a conversation with me, too.  But..if they said "butt"....they will see my death glare...and immediately correct themselves.  I LOVE THAT! 
But I wonder...why can't I have rules that stick for other things.  There is all kinds of rude back talk and out right disobedience around here....but I have won one battle with the boys...and it is the battle of the BUTT!
I have done one thing right.  Some days it feels like just one.

Sleepyhead

This teenager is infuriating.....ugh.  He never sleeps.  Aren't they supposed to sleep all the time?  I know I did.  He is awake by 9 am at the latest every morning.  Maybe he didn't get the memo?  He should be snoozing until 1 pm on the days he doesn't have to work.  That would be NORMAL.....and I would welcome it.  It isn't like he goes to bed early.  I stay up pretty late....midnight at least.....and he is still up when I go to bed. 
He has ADHD....and so he doesn't sit still and watch tv very much.  A couple of shows here and there catch his attention but for the most part he is roaming the house looking for fights.  And with 2 little brothers and a hormonal mother......he has a pretty good chance of finding someone who is interested.
My hope is that he is leaving for college the week after the 4th of July.  He needs to get up there and get a job and get settled.
Yes....I know that within a week of him leaving I will be writing about how sad and lonely it is and how much I miss him.  But for now......SCREAM.

Kindergarten Funnies

A few years ago I worked as a Teacher's Assistant in a public kindergarten classroom.  The first year we had the craziest class.  There seriously was more personality in one little room than any other room in that school.  That also meant that they could be challenging.  We just LOVED them.  Funniest kids ever!  The teacher I worked with and I got to be really good friends and it was a great working environment. 

We had a notebook where we wrote down all the crazy things they said...which was plenty.  Here are a few.  I'm not sure how well this translates in a blog .....but...whatever...here you go anyway :)

 

 Jack- "I love Draven. He's so cute and little and cuddly".
Jack - "Today I got bit by a shark...a tiger shark."

Marianna- "Definitely heard more than a peep in there". (after watching and listening for the girls in the bathroom.)

Luke on our walking field trip- "I hope I see a hippo!"

Ben- "Boys have wieners and girls don't"

Jayden- "My dad is a werewolf,"

Jack- "My dog has a computer in his doghouse."

Ben- "My middle name is nocturnal"

Malaya- "Everybody better be quiet or we will have to call the 'po po"
"My teeth wanted to say good bye to you. Before they fell out."
"Everyone needs to quiet down and call on the Lord."

Draven- "You can call me Tommy now."

Sage- "I help my mom tie her pants so they don't fall down."

Me- "I'm cold"
Sage- "that's why Grandma's make quilts."

Draven- "That lady called me a Ranger(school mascot) and I'm not a Ranger, I'm an American!"

Harrison- "I don't like picture day because my mom cleans out my nose with a rag and it hurts."
The next day, Harrison comes in- "My mom didn't use the rag! Yes!"

Malaya (to teacher)- "You look adorable....with make-up on."

Quinn (from France) asking about Mariana's WebKinz- "Where do they live? Do they live in Antarctica?
Daelyn- "No, they live in the computer."

Malaya- "What do you want for your birthday?"
Me - "Maybe a Snuggie"
Malaya- "You want a drink and a hot tub?"
 Hmmm....how did she know?

(Beethoven's Symphony is playing in the background)
Malaya- "This song is on Judge Judy!"

Cara- "I've been working on cursive this weekend. I am going to bring it tomorrow to show you."
Quentin- "Well, I write different cursive than you. I've been writing cursive since 2007(in 2009)."
 

Happy Graduation!

My oldest graduates from high school in 5 days and I should be sad, but I'm not.  In fact, I'm ecstatic.  We did it....we actually got this kid out of high school...and on time, too!  Who would have ever thought it was going to happen? Not me....and definitely not his father. 
School started off really well for the 18 year old.  In first grade we went to a parent/teacher conference and the teacher said he was doing really well and she wasn't even sure that she needed to see us.  But then I asked her if she saw any signs of ADD (because I have it) and she said he did need to stand up to do his work but it wasn't a problem.  His 2nd grade teacher didn't like him so much but she was grouchy and old and no one seemed to like her so I didn't worry to much.  We started to notice he couldn't follow a simple direction...he was just very distracted.  He didn't even make a B until the end of 3rd grade...his behavior was always excellent.  I talked to his 3rd grade teacher...she said she did see some signs but she could handle it and would let us know if she couldn't.  We talked to the pediatrician and the school counselor and he got the dreaded diagnoses.  I was not in any hurry to put him on any medication and wanted to make sure we got it right when we did.  So, we took him to a psychiatry center where they specialized in ADD.  That is when we first started the meds.  It was too much and they kept adjusting it and I just hated that it changed who he was.  After about 6 months we stopped going there and just went back to the pediatrician.  The psychiatrist was just too heavy handed with the prescriptions.  It made me very uncomfortable.  The pediatrician put him on Adderall but it just makes him so miserable about the time he gets home from school and it is too hard to deal with.  We try the patch and various other things.  In 6th grade we switch to a different school system close by and he just falls apart academically.  He couldn't do any of the work.  He was barely passing and I honestly, had no idea what to do.  We put him on special vitamins, we went to the chiropractor,  we tried different things with his diets.  We met with teachers and counselors and everyone in between.  In 7th grade we tried Sylvan Learning Center.  BIG FAT waste of my money.  They may have given him the tools that he needed but ...you can lead a horse to water.  If anything requires effort he is not going to even bother.  In fact, that is one of the things he says all the time "Things are easy for everyone else but life is just harder for me."  It infuriates me.  Life is hard for a whole lot of people...suck it up.
We do all of this and nothing really works.  I hear some people at church talking about an herbalist that they go to who has helped someone who has aspergers and another friend with a heart condition.  Well....what the heck....can't hurt to try.  We pay big bucks for the herbalist....and I really like her.  She makes sense.  My husband calls her the voodoo doctor but I think he secretely likes her, too.  She has us take him off all sugar and go gluten free.  We get different herbs to use at different times.  She asks me questions when she is giving him her voodoo tests....she knows stuff from looking at his arm about him that she wouldn't know otherwise.  We do the diet for about 8 months.  Have you ever tried to fight non stop everyday with a kid about eating everything he likes....pizza, chips, bread.  I did the diet with him....gave up all the good stuff.  Sometimes I cheated but never around him.  He had also had constant diarrhea for years and it went away completely on this diet.  But going to see the herbalist and the gluten free diet got very expensive.  And my son would go to church and friends houses and just eat whatever the heck he wanted to anyway.  So, I kind of gave up on that part of treatment. 
His grades were just above failing....his gpa was a 1.77 his freshman year.  I had meeting after meeting at school and they finally put him on a "health plan" or a 504.  He got a lot of one on one attention and had someone assigned to just watch over him and help him when he couldn't figure something out.  After some time he got switched to an IEP.  That is an Individual Education Plan.  Basically, he has just become special education.....and he is NOT HAPPY to be labeled that way.
I have ADD.....and my parents just acted like I was stupid.  They never helped me with anything....they never even sat with me to help me with my homework.  So, I wanted to work hard and push him all the way.  God knows I tried. 
Let me say though.....I don't ever do my children's homework.  Not ever.  Anything they have ever turned in to a teacher....they did on their own.  I will sit by them in the house and make sure they have their supplies....but when they ask about something....I show them how to look it up and figure it out.  You don't teach them anything when you do it for them.
Then halfway through 9th grade my husband got laid off.  By the end of 9th grade my husband was living in a different state while I was doing it all by myself.  Halfway through 10th grade we were all living in a different state.  That is it's own special blog post.  Attention Deficit Disorder was the least thing we were dealing with at that point.
The new state kept his IEP but I had to fight for that and they did things very different.  People with ADD don't like change.....they have enough trouble dealing with life on a day to day basis without throwing a bunch of things to figure out in there.  It was like the blind leading the blind (which is how parenting has seemed to be for me...ha!).  Nothing went well in this new state.
The summer before 12th grade.....we moved again...to yet another state.  Poor kid.  Poor family.  We decided to put him on Vyvanse and he would just have to deal with the moods.  And wouldn't you know it.....he wants to be out of my house so badly and to get back "home"....he starts pulling out straight A's.  The boys is working hard to bring up that GPA....studying for hours every night.  I had literally never seen anything like it from him.  I was just so PROUD!  I knew he could do it....he's SMART as can be.....just needs to work hard.  ADD does make things harder but you just have to use the tools to stay focused and plan ahead.  It was like a light went off.  And there is no motivation like wanting to get into a college far away from your bossy mother and close to all of your friends.  Because things were going so well he lost his IEP...and he is now on his own.
Here we are at the last couple of days of school....and senioritis set in a couple of months ago.  The grades aren't all A's but the are pretty good.  He is still trying in the classes he has to try in for the most part.  He brought his GPA up to a 2.6...which is not bad for someone who blew off the first 3 years of high school.
He knows that I will not be there to push him through college.  It is all up to him now.  Put up or shut up.  He will have family that lives close to the school to lean on if he really needs anything.  I pray he makes good decisions and realizes how hard he is going to have to work.
When they call his name and he walks on stage to pick up his diploma it will be a feeling like nothing else.  We survived it.  He did it.  I'm proud.

Houseguests of the Scariest Kind

Next week, my 18 year old graduates from high school!  That is all very exciting but I can't even think about it because I am so busy freaking out about having my mother and mother in law in the same house.  That has never happened.  My children have literally never been with both of their grandmothers at the first time. 

My oldest is quite the brown noser and I'm pretty sure he is worried about how he is going to make them both think they are the best grandmother's ever when they are in the same room.

These two women are so very different.  My mother in law is a big shopper, is 10 years older than my mom but is very active in the community and also extremely opinionated.  My mother who hates to shop, is a practicing hermit,  and is also opinionated but is much quieter about it. 

The last time they saw each other was at our wedding.  My MIL was not too thrilled about the prospect of her sweet baby boy spending forever with me (we are better now...thankfully) and my mom thought he was lucky to get me.  No fighting....just a lot of ignoring went on.  I had beer....and all my friends....so I just had fun!

My boys are pigs....in fact....so is my mother in law's sweet baby boy.  I am scared that they are going to have to use the boys bathroom....and feel like I should replace all the baseboards around the toilet before they get here.    My mother raised 3 girls....who although messy.....it's not quite the same.  Hairspray all over the bathroom and urine all over the bathroom are 2 very different experiences.  The boys bedrooms smell like feet....so it will take a couple of cans of febreeze, some bleach, and a few garbage bags to make them grandma ready.

I'm off to clean baseboards. 

Obviously Shooting For Perfect

A few days ago I went upstairs to gather some laundry and walked into my 9 year olds room.  On the floor, charging, is his ipod.  Next to the ipod is a Sonic cup half full of a Blue Coconut slush.  My blood starts boiling a tiny bit , because these kids are not allowed to bring anything but water upstairs.  This is  not a new rule, people!  I decide I'm taking his prized possession, the ipod, for the night.

I take the ipod and hide it in my super secret place....which changes all the time....and then I can't find what I've hidden from the kids.  Oops!

When Mason comes in after playing outside...I asked him if he knew what I found upstairs and he looked at me like he didn't have a CLUE what I could be talking about.  I told him that I found the slushie upstairs and that he would have to lose his ipod for the night.  He proceeded to flip out a little and told me that things don't always have to be perfect.  Uhh...who's shooting for perfect?  I would just like to have 3 steps from disgusting....that's all I'm asking!  While he is having his little fit I say "What else would you like to lose for the night?"  And I hear him say under his breath "YOU."  Isn't he precious?  I do the old "what did you say?"  And of course he says "nothing." 

We are at the beginning of the end here.  He is slowly (but surely) becoming a pre-teen. 

The Stupid Phase

My husband picked up our 14 year old (the middle child) from his sports physical at the high school tonight and he had let someone write all over his arm.  In pretty big letters it said "I LOVE CHRIS."  His name is not Chris....so who knows what's going on.  Middle school kids are especially weird.

My husband has a few things he is really funny about the kids doing.......and writing (or letting someone else write) in pen, marker, sharpie on your body is one of those things.

So, my husband says "Quit doing that...I'm tired of telling you that."
The 14 year old  "What difference does it make?"
Husband "It's stupid."
The 14 year old "At my age I'm supposed to do stupid things....you're just coming out of your stupid phase."

I'm not too sure he is completely on his way out of that phase......  Just sayin'.